The War on Cars in eight lines

[Hey! I just found is in my drafts. I wrote it back in May. Figured I’d finally publish it.]
By now, everyone should know that the so-called “War on Cars” is utter bullshit. It doesn’t exist. Driving advocates, nonetheless, try to pull it out whenever cars aren’t totally, 100% catered to. We’re seeing this with the Elgin Street re-design. Here, in 8 lines, is what the “War on Cars” is:

The City of Ottawa: We’re re-designing Elgin Street. It’ll have two driving lanes, wider sidewalks and no bike lanes.

Driving Advocate: But I need to drive.

City: There’ll be two driving lanes, just like before.

Driver: But I need to park.

City: There are hundreds upon hundreds of spots on nearby streets and in nearby parking lots. We even make parking at City Hall cheap on weekends.

Driver: Not good enough!

City: You can park on the sidewalks.

Driver: WHAT’S WITH THE WAR ON CARS!

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